Normally, I have to take breaks for diaper changes, clean-up duty, and just the general child rearing needs that pop up throughout the day. And I have to be more methodical and organized on when I do which activity: what can I do while he is awake and what is better left until he goes down for his nap? Since he isn't here, I am rather lost and feel a bit unorganized. I have too much flexibility if that's possible.
Did you notice the resounding theme there: abnormal, strange? How many people with a chronic illness feel this way on a daily basis? I know I have and actually still do at times. For instance, in my last blog, I mentioned my issue of a partial blockage. That was not the norm for me. I had to deal with something that the majority of the world never has and never will have to deal with. On a side note, I can report that I've eaten mushrooms, peanuts, and even salad (which I try to prepare in much smaller portions) and all items digested well. I'm glad as these are all foods that I enjoy immensely. I even took the time to make my own almond butter which tasted way better than the almond butter I bought from the grocery store! The house smelled good for the rest of the evening as the almonds require roasting to release the oil in them which allows for the smooth texture after processing the almonds that you expect from any nut butter. I recommend searching Pinterest for a recipe for yourself and trying it out!
With the blockage issue comes a diet change. That can make one feel abnormal as most people don't need to pay much attention to what they consume (maybe they should but they don't need to). Whereas, now, and before the blockage, I had to think about what I was eating and how. I feel like that was even more so the case before my ileostomy. There were so many foods to avoid as to try and keep the Crohn's symptoms at bay. It was a matter that could make me angry and frustrated. As a teenager, pizza is its own food group I'm fairly certain. However, my teenage years didn't allow me to eat that. Bad things would happen. But those around me were still enjoying it.
Active Crohn's led to frequent bathroom trips. Wouldn't that make you feel abnormal? I had a round-trip ticket to the bathroom. I should have been able to earn frequent flier miles. People normally don't have these issues unless they have a stomach virus. I had what appeared to be a never-ending version of that.
And now I have an ostomy bag. I think I can count on one hand those that I know personally who've been affected by the experience of having an ostomy. Most of my contact with those in a similar situation as myself is through online communication. There are many of us out there, we're just spread all over the place. Maybe others are like me: They are willing to share this part of their lives. But it's not exactly like you go up to someone and say, "My name is_____, and I have an ileostomy." And, typically, it's not visible under my clothing so unless by some chance the subject can be brought up, there are those I'm around on a semi-regular basis who have no idea that I have an ostomy. Sometimes, that seems strange to me.
Well, those are a few things that make or have made me feel like an odd duck. But I know I'm not alone in that. Even those I would view as normal have something that makes them feel abnormal. Before my health issues, I always felt abnormal because I have naturally curly hair that as a young child, was a thorn in my side. It still has its moments but nowadays, I'm thankful to have my hair and the uniqueness of it. The gray hairs are starting to bug me though. But one day, I'll embrace those, too (or alter it possibly).
