Butterflies and Bandages

Let me lay out this example of how I was feeling pre-surgery, the day of the actual event. You know that new date feeling...the one where you might be scared enough to consider backing out of the date (or maybe you actually do) because you just don't think you could go through with it? Or you're so

nervous you feel like you could get sick because of those butterflies...thousands of them flying all through your body?

The day had come: surgery day. And I was first date nervous. I mean, they were about to take my colon! I'm fairly certain we had to be at the hospital at the crack of dawn only to sit around and wait. (And my wait time would be nothing compared to my family and friends that were there for support.)

At one point they called my name, and my heart skipped a few beats because I was so nervous about everything. But it turned out that they just wanted some money up front (my insurance copay). That actually caught us off guard. Somehow, we missed this detail. And they said we were notified prior to us coming to the hospital so we'd be prepared. Fortunately, my parents had it covered. I think they would have sent me home if they didn't get their money. That didn't help my nerves any.

When they finally called me back for the actual surgery, it was a battle of overcoming fear and making an adult decision to be brave even though I just wanted to be a little girl and go running back to my parents. I mean, they were removing an important part of my body. But this surgery was my chance to get my life back, to be rid of the pain and instability that Crohn's had me trapped in.

We get back to the pre-op room, and there are a couple of things that stood out to me as I'd never had either of these experiences in the hospital before. First was my IV insertion. Yes, of course I'd had an IV started before. Many times. So many times, I think I could have started my own if I needed to. What was odd with this insertion, what seemed completely unnecessary to me was them numbing the vein they chose to stick with a lidocaine injection. Yes, I was stuck to be numbed up before being stuck again. They did it twice because they missed the vein when they tried to start the IV the first time. It seemed so useless, and I found the lidocaine to burn. I had more pain from the lidocaine than I would have to have just had the IV started like what was normal for me. I just say start the IV and forget that numbing part. I had enough injections that I think I could handle it.

The second aspect of pre-op that stood out was the large purple suit they put me in called Bair Paws. It hooked up to a machine that would blow warm air into the suit. It was awesome! My body went from a crispy cold surgery room temperature to warm and toasty in no time. I wanted to take one home.

While I was back in surgery, my parents were in the waiting room. At the time, I couldn't possibly understand the turmoil they must have felt sitting there waiting. As a parent now myself, I'm starting to get it. Our son had to have tubes put in his ears at around a year old. It's a quick and routine procedure, but when it's your baby, the procedure might as well have taken days because it seemed to take that long to me. I don't know how long my parents sat out in the waiting room. I do know they were very grateful for the kindness of others to be there in their time of need.

When I woke up in recovery, the first thing to hit me was the pain. I was very groggy still of course, but I remember them handing me the control for the morphine. It was not something I would normally have wanted to take, but after having this surgery and the pain I was feeling, I wasn't turning down some relief. I also remember sliding my hand down my stomach to see if I actually had an ileostomy bag. I guess in some ways I hoped a miracle might have occurred and that my colon was still in my body. It wasn't because I felt the lump on my stomach from the ostomy bag. Plus, why would I have been in so much pain right? I finally come to myself enough that they start rolling me out of recovery. We go through these double doors and there's my mom. I don't know that I'd ever been so glad to see her in my life! It finalized that I had made it through surgery. It wasn't a dream. So far, so good. Next step: recovery from surgery and learning my new way of life.