Love & An Ostomy

I have to share the story of my husband and myself met.  For one reason, it's too special not to share.  And for another reason, he wasn't just getting me in the relationship.  He was getting my health baggage, too.  And I would have to tell him about it and explain that and hope that he would not run away.

 As has been mentioned in previous posts, I was depressed and lonely.  I had been looking for "the one" since I was 13 or 14 years old.  At this point I was 23.  My siblings were married and out on their own.  And one had a child.  I guess I probably felt left behind.  With my health issues, I wasn't up to dating much, but I was always looking for that one guy that would make my life complete. 

Where I was at the time didn't lead to the meeting of many people anywhere close to my age.  And I didn't go out much in general due to not feeling well with Crohn's.  Plus, I'm just a homebody.  I got the suggestion from my mom to try eHarmony.  I was floored that she would suggest because it was such an out-of-the-box idea that I never expected to come from anyone in my family.  But I went with it.  The site asked many questions to get the best idea of the interests and desires of the client and to be able to match them with a potential suitor.  After filling out the necessary information, I was given a list of male matches that can be contacted if the client finds them of interest.  I sent out a few messages, but the only one that contacted me back was my now husband.

We communicated through the eHarmony site briefly and realized we had both were on Facebook, so we switched over to that as our sole source of communication for a while.  Of course, we would need to meet sooner or later if this relationship was going to go anywhere.  But this was where I was most nervous, and not only because we would be meeting for the first time, but because I was meeting someone I'd only spoken to on the internet.  Now I have seen enough movies, TV shows, and news reports to know that people can be on the screen may not be the person who is communicating with you. 

With this realization, Geoff suggested we meet in a public place and in our case, that was the food court of a mall.  I'm sure I got the approval of my family before the outing.  And thankfully, he looked like his profile picture. 

We decided to eat at Longhorn Steakhouse, and the story to follow has provided us with a yearly tradition to celebrate.  As we walk into the restaurant, the manager is standing there.  Apparently, I had a large grin on my face because he asks Geoff if he just proposed.  We told him that we'd just met.  He takes us to our table, we order and eat, and the manager cimes back to our table with balloons and their Chocolate Stampede dessert.  He apologizes for embarrassing us (although we were more humored than embarrassed) and says our ticket is taken care of.  We like to think we have
a great first date story.  Every year we go to Longhorn around the time of our first date and always order the Chocolate Stampede.  (This year, we happened to get the dessert for free.)

A few weeks into or relationship, I realized I would need to be upfront about my health issues.  It seemed unfair not to share issues that would be a part of his life if things grew more serious.  I'm not good at explaining things verbally.  I need visual aids.  But I didn't want to shine my ostomy bag to this guy I had known for just a short time.  However, I always have my spare ostomy bag, wafer, and accessories with me just in case I need to make an emergency appliance change.  I used that to give him a more visual idea of what I was trying to explain.  I don't know how much he understood, but he didn't run away in disgust or fear. 

On one date, in the beginning of our relationship, I had to use the spare ostomy appliance.  We were going to a football game with some of his friends and went to eat first.  The ostomy bag I had on sprung a leak.  I was trying to subtly get his attention to let him know this and find out where the restrooms were.  He just kept saying hold on because he wasn't understanding what I was trying to say.  I learned then I would have to be more blunt.  (This is still the case.)  Once he figured out what I was needing, he was apologetic, and helped me the best he could.  That was the first time I'd had to change my ostomy appliance outside of home or work.  And this was the first time I'd met his friends.  I'm not sure they were aware of the situation but I almost wish they were.  It was embarrassing because it seemed like I was in the restroom a long time.  And it was a single occupancy restroom.  People were waiting on me.  And I had leaked enough to get my shirt dirty.  I was thankful to have worn a long sleeve shirt under a short sleeve one.  I could just take off the dirty one and be good to go.  As embarrassing and gross as that was to me, he still stuck around. 

He was there when I had surgery to remove the rectal muscles.  He despises hospitals.  But he tried to be there the whole time I had to stay there.  We continued to date.  And seven months after our first date, he proposed.  Six months after that, we were married.