A Worried Pregnant Woman

I didn't know how to contain the excitement of finding out I was expecting our first child.  And I couldn't wait to tell someone.  Obviously, with the pregnancy being in its young stage, you don't really want to tell very many people, because if something goes wrong, the last thing you want to do is share that news over and over.  And a person doesn't really want to hear condolences at that time.  I know how much it hurt to struggle to get pregnant, and hearing the well-meaning words from others that I didn't care to hear at that moment.

But I still needed to tell someone.  I knew the excitement would build to the point that I felt I was going to burst.  My twin sister was the first to find out after my husband, as in the very next day after I took the test.  I was the first one she told when she found out she was expecting her first child.  She, along with the rest of our families, knew of our journey.  And we told them as well as soon as we could get everyone gathered together.

The next step was to get the official/medical confirmation of the pregnancy.  I got to have another one of those lovely, invasive ultrasounds. But this time, as well as the ones that would follow, I didn't mind at all.  I was going to see my child for the first time!  The image they said was the baby was so tiny.  From my perspective, the screen just showed a jumble of black and white except for a tiny flicker that was moving extremely fast.  That was the heartbeat.  That was life.  The little one who had the quick beating heart, had no formed arms or legs, fingers or toes.  The child's eyes had yet to develop, and basically, the image we saw looked nothing like a baby as one would think of a baby.  But there was a heartbeat, and that made my child real for me.  and the sound of that rapid beating, it's truly amazing to think, even now, that there was life growing inside of me and at how small and vulnerable the little one was, yet so strong and determined to grow and develop.  And at how important my role was in that development from day one.

My gastroenterologist was aware of our visits to the infertility clinic and wanted me to be sure and let him know when I got pregnant so he could see me in his office more often and to keep closer tabs on me as the physical changes of pregnancy can cause flare-ups of Crohn's in patients.  And before we got too deep into the process with the fertility clinic, he suggested I have an ileoscopy done as that procedure would be due for me, and it couldn't be done safely while I was pregnant.

I was considered a high-risk pregnancy with my health history, but I think more so due to our infertility struggle.  That was a scary aspect.  It had a tendency to weigh on me that something could go terribly wrong at any moment.

I had tried to keep myself informed on what I could do to have a safe and healthy pregnancy.  I wanted to know what foods to eat and which to avoid.  I realized that I didn't really need to alter that too much.  I wanted to know what activities I could do and what I shouldn't.  That was just a matter of common sense.  I continued to work and exercise all the way up until the day I was induced.  In fact, the afternoon before I went into the hospital that evening to give birth, I was walking on my treadmill.  I couldn't just sit and relax knowing my life was soon to change, so I just tried to do what I normally do in a day (although in hindsight, trying to get in a nap would have been a good move because it was a significant amount of time before I slept well again).

Another stressor for me was intestinal blockages that might occur as the baby grew to cause potential hospital stays and a tube down my nose and throat.  Also as the baby grew, my stoma size could increase from pressure put on the area. I would need to make adjustments to my ileostomy supplies so they would fit properly if that happened.  I just didn't know if these things would happen and when.  And I like to be prepared, so these unknowns made me anxious.  The good news is that I was fortunate to have neither of these things to happen.  My body cooperated.

I also thought the baby would come earlier than expected.  There wasn't really any reason for this.  It was just a thought I had.  However, I was induced.

A plus to the high-risk pregnancy is how many ultrasounds I got to have.  I don't recall how many exactly now, but I know it was more than is typical.  And again, it didn't matter that a good number of them were invasive.  It was okay with me.  I wasn't sure how the lubricant used for the usual abdominal ultrasounds would cooperate with my ileostomy appliance.  (For the record, the gel didn't cause my ostomy any problems.)

Some of my concerns were valid and some probably were just from my tendency to overthink things and find something to worry about.  I was fortunate to have a good pregnancy without complications.