My Stomaversary!

In just a few more days (May 30, 2007, to be exact), I will have my eleventh "stomaversary".  This was the day was large intestine was removed, and I was given a stoma (where the small intestine is brought to the outside of the abdominal wall to make an outlet for intestinal wastes) and my chance to live without the constant worry of active Crohn's Disease came to be.

Prior to this day, I had spent much time in pain except for the times I was taking prednisone.  And then I would feel crazy in the head, but I was pain free.  I'd imagine maybe it is what the Hulk feels like.  I would feel seemingly fine one minute, but then ready to go into a rage with the flip of a switch.  (I don't think I ever turned green though.)

I was also rather antisocial.  I mean, who feels like going places and hanging around others when you struggle to stay out of the bathroom?  It's like the never-ending stomach virus.

And of course, there was the whole issue of trying to be careful of what I ate. Even though, now looking back, I'm not sure how much of a bearing that had.  I couldn't drink water without pain at times.

When the day came that the doctor said surgery to remove my colon might need to be considered because we had tried all the medicinal options, it was a sort of defeat to the war I had been a part of.  All the battles I had tried to fight for some time had all ended in a loss.  It was the thought of, "How can I go through so much for so long and still come out on the losing side?"

But, then the time came when it seemed that maybe the war on Crohn's wasn't over.  That the surgery was another battle.  And one I would have to face and fight.  With prayers and support from the right people, I was able to do just that.

The day I went in to have ileostomy surgery, I was understandably nervous as I was about to lose an organ, a rather important one, and there wasn't a replacement for it.  But there was a peace that it's what I had to do to be able to move on with my life.

I'm thankful that so far all has worked out well for me physically with my ileostomy.  No Crohn's has resurfaced.  And I pray that it stays that way.  I'm thankful that the battles we think we've lost may actually be some of our greatest victories in the long run.  I'm thankful to be able to live a good life (although still imperfect as all human lives are), but I'm living.  With active Crohn's, I was just trying to survive.

But one thing I realize is the war isn't over even still.  And, for me,  it won't be until the day that I take my last breath.  There will still be plenty of battles to fight.