"Mama's Diaper"

I've had an ileostomy now for over 11 years.  And sometimes, I don't want to think about it too much.   I don't know what people's reactions will be to it.  I'm sure there are those who think that I shouldn't have had such a surgery, and that I should have tried other options (although I don't know what those would have been at the time.)  The deal is done people.  There is no need to say what should have been done.  My large intestine can't be put back in.  Nor do I want it to be.  That thing gave me nothing but trouble: sending me to the bathroom at all hours of the day and night, being a literal pain in the rear, and affecting my overall health in ways that I believe I deal with to this day.

Also, it probably is a source of discomfort for some as there are those that don't want anything to do with medical talk.  There are those that don't have the capacity to deal with the gruesome details at any level.

My husband was like that, but I think after almost 8 years of marriage, he's starting to come around.  He didn't want to see me changing my ostomy bag for the longest time.  Then one morning recently, I woke up with a leak and time was not on our side.  He just had to let me do my thing right there with him in the room.

And then there are others who probably just don't understand what it is even as I'm trying to explain it.  I'm not sure I would have.  I had a very detailed and visible amount of information given to me.  Also, I was able to get a first hand account from an ostomate over a period of time where I felt free to ask any and all questions that I had of her experience and what I could expect.

Of course, sometimes talking about it is beneficial not only for me, but hopefully for others as well.  There are times that I don't mind going into some detail on what an ileostomy is and why I have it.  I wouldn't have had as much confidence and security in having the surgery and dealing with life with an ostomy if I hadn't had the information I was given. With this blog, it's my goal to share some of my experiences.

One such experience happened several years ago now, when my oldest nephew was closer to my own son's age (2).  Sometimes things happen to where others might learn about your ileostomy whether you want them to or not (leaks at work or maybe the pouch manages to poke out from under your clothing, for instance).  The latter incidence would be the case I'm referring to.  I'm not sure what happened exactly, possibly just stretching and my shirt raised up enough that the bag was showing.  The little guy saw it and looked sort of confused.  He'd never seen anything like that before.  Somehow, I managed to come up with a way to relate it to something he understood.  I called my bag my diaper as, at the time, he was still wearing a diaper.  That explanation seemed to satisfy him.  There were a few times after that, that he would point it out and say it was my diaper.  I wonder if he still remembers that.

My son has seen my ostomy bag as well.  He seemed to have that look of confusion the first time he recognized it.  I told him the same thing I told my nephew, that it was "my diaper".  He seemed to be content with this explanation as well.  He never mentioned it again until recently when I was getting dressed one day.  He looked at me and then at my husband and said "Mama's diaper".  It caught me off guard as, like I said, he hadn't mentioned anything about it since I had told him what it was in a way that he might could relate.

There are days that I don't want to deal with it or think about it.  But I have to.  It's here for good.  At least I can get a smile and a chuckle from the innocent recognition and understanding that a little guy can offer.